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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Lauren's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, August 29th, 2013
2:32 am
2:26 am
2:22 am
2:12 am
2:05 am
1:29 am
1:24 am
Sunday, April 6th, 2003
9:21 pm
patting myself on the back
wow I haven't written on this thing for ever

I don't even remember the person I was the last time I wrote here

but since then I've been severely depressed, slept all day and barely passes school

fled to Brazil and scared myself to death

returned a refreshed soul

now I am moving into a new house

making a tv show...finally

going to Prague

and looking forward to the next 6 months

life is good
Sunday, October 13th, 2002
4:43 pm
events of the unpaid dogsitter
after smoking for the first time in awhile, I lay in my bed wide awake and exhausted. I went to see what these people had in their cabinet. half a dose of nyquil later, I lay in their huge bathtub lit with one scented candle which lulled me to sleep. I go into bed next to the snoring dog which I now babysit. I woke up and was familiar with her sticky stench, but wasn't prepared as I rolled over onto her crispy poop.

Current Mood: calm
Thursday, September 26th, 2002
12:52 am
I felt like shit today. It was the first time in a while that I had an awful feeling sitting in my stomach. I tore myself out of bed dreading the bike ride to school and one of the first things I here is my roommate lecturing me on the day old dishes in the sink. I was groggy and the sun wasn't fully out--I wasn't about to take that shit. And so I decided to deal with things differently. I'm tired of walking on egg shells, tip toeing around this place like its a fucking library. I don't complain everytime I want to. If I get annoyed I either stay quiet or leave cause I know my frustration stems more from us living ontop of one another then from anything that really bothers me.

So then he was giving me the fatherly ultimatum about calling the phone company and I just gave him a sarcastic "eye eye captain". He then stormed out slamming the door. The rest of the morning I kept telling myself that I didn't care, but I did. I don't like fighting with him. There's an extremely heavy layer of tension and as he makes the bed right behind me, I dread climbing into it for it no longer gives me any comfort. I wanted to escape and crash at someone's house but the anarchist is no longer an option.

Wait, ladies and gentleman, breaking news is just coming in, as I sit here and type, my roommate is making his bed on the floor...does this mean I will have the bed to myself....I think so.....hoooooorrrrrraaaaaaaayyyyyyy!!!!!

and so the day went on.
I sat in my class, dreary eyed and sneezy as my professor (the dean) scolded us for not being smart enough. He really made me feel worse. I thought I had an eye for film until he became my teacher. There's something definatly up with him and though i am intrigued by his intelligence and supposed sucess, I find it weird that he passes me without saying hello. I've never been a non-favorite of a class I enjoyed...and furthermore, I've never felt stupid in a film class.

and so I went to davenport where I sat under a big plant sipping bad tea trying to relax my nerves. nothing was helping and I knew I just had to start combating the pile of work that was looming over my head- and so I did and now I feel better.

The semester is flying by really really fast. Its scary that it is almost midterms. I'm stressed out and I can't wait for fall break. I can't wait till I have some peace in my house. I can't' wait till I get to babysit some rich dude's asthmatic dog and stay in there goregous apartment ALONE!

This weekend is the big weekend. I am going to be spending a lot fo time looking through the lense and I'm excited for it although I know it will be agrivating and exhausting work.

I met this new boy. His name is Frog. I like him to bits and am amused at my initial impression of him when seeing him in my anthro class. "Who's that nerdy looking boy with the 3rd grade notebook organizer and the sideways hat? What's he trying to say?"

and so it goes.......

Current Mood: stressed
Monday, September 23rd, 2002
9:52 pm
peace. love, and video
Except for the boy who rolled over not caring that I didn't get mines, I had fun this weekend with my video camera.
Thursday, September 12th, 2002
5:39 pm
another luxury problem
oye. Once again I forgot how stressful school can be.

I am alergic to my apartment. Everytime I go home my eyes itch and I sneeze uncontrollably. I guess it is a good thing. I can hardly stand my place anymore. The other night, I was stressed and sick and awfully tired of waking up too early and biking up too many damn hills. I went to bed early to catch up on some zzzz only to be awoken by someone chopping up carrots, another someone opening and shutting doors, admitting loads of unneeded light onto my groggy state. I kept telling myself, the next time I wake up, I'm just going to leave....and that's what I did but before I could get out of the door, someone had to remind me about the dishes that were placed in the sink 2 hours before. I was pissed and rode to James' house. I started sneezing right when I got in there due to his messy dustball of a place. I fell asleep on a bare matress with my head on a moldy pillow, happily spreading my feet as wide as they wished.

God was I lucky that 9.11 was yesterday. I got to go home early and rest. My head was under all this pressure and I felt very weak. I got home and slept for 13 hours but alas still woke up with bags under my eyes. What is happening to me!

It's weird how school brings me down. Isn't this supposed to be enjoyable? The outside world seems so much more pleasant than AU land. Everything changes once I get on campus. I'm different. I am more myself when I'm in the city. I don't have to operate according to these weird unspoken social rules. Atleast my classes are good. Well, they are much better than the past but I haven't been inspired yet.

I need a drink. I better call my sister so she can send me another ID.

Current Mood: crappy
Wednesday, August 28th, 2002
7:58 am
what a beautiful morning
I woke up at 5:30 this morning. Its crazy that I still get that nervous energy during the first week of classes. I've been having dreams/nightmares about this coming semester. The past semesters have sucked but I'm too lazy to transfer so all I can do is cross my fingers and hope for the best.

So anyway, I walked outside to check on my kitty. It was raining this morning so I went to check her special sleeping spot where she keeps dry. It was still dark out and I thought I saw a big trash bag but as my eyes focused, I realized it was a drunken man sleeping in my lawn. I yelled at him to wake up and get out but he just mumbled something in Spanish and went back to sleep. I called the cops but that was over an hour ago and they still havent' showed up. So I went back inside the apartment and tried to fall back asleep but was kept awake by the screeching of my neighbor's oversexed couch springs. What a beautiful morning.
Tuesday, August 20th, 2002
8:57 am
bittersweetness
I'm in Portland. the hostel i was staying at was giving my some bad vibes so I decided to get out of Seattle and see something new. Saying goodbye to Seth was hard. I couldn't tell if he was sad. He is probably used to saying goodbye since he works at a hostel. I haven't that sad in a long time. I had to hold myself back from crying. There was something about him that was very speacial and it kills me that I'm here in Portland, where its drizzling, and I wish I could have spent more time with him.
Thursday, August 15th, 2002
7:55 pm
my letter to rachel
The hostel I am staying at is downtown-which is near all the touristy places. Its great. the people there are really fun. I've been meeting random people. It is much easier to meet people than I thought it would be. There's this kid Seth who works and lives at the hostel. He's really cool, has lived all over the country and has done some really cool stuff. We've been hanging out a lot--taking bike rides, cooking dinner, the beach, and today we went to this awesome waterfall. We've been hooking up and he is really sweet. The great thing about traveling alone is that you meet some really great people but it is also very bittersweet cause you know you will probably never see them again.

The bike I rented is great. There is so much to do here in Seattle. There are great bike trails everywhere. I never thought the west coast was this cool. People here are so liberal and nice and happy. it's like prozac land. In the grocery store, most of the staff has dreads, they have 15 varieties of tofu, and the magazine racks in the check out line aren't filled with cosmo, but with Adbusters and the like. You would think it was too hippy which could be very annoying, but I haven't found that to be true at all.

I know that I want to live on the west coast at one point in my life. I realized how much I love the outdoors and how fun enjoying the earth is.

Rachel, the past couple of days have been so great. I can't remember the last time I was so happy. Every trip you take changes you in some way, and this trip has made me look at my life very differently. I've been surrounded with people who have been traveling for 4 months, 7 months, a year. Just hopping from place to place. The places they have gone and the experiences they have had are just amazing. I realized that I shouldn't fucking worry about my life plan. For so long I've been strategically planning my jobs, internships, courses, work.....and although all those things are important....seeing the world, experiencing life at its best gives me a joy that I can't even express. Yesterday, after Seth made me dinner, I was washing dishes in the kitchen listening to bob marley and I was smiling from ear to ear and almost cried a little cause I was so damn happy.

I'm at the imc right now. I came here again today because they are having there video training night- people come and bring the projects they are working on and people help them out ect ect....but although people are here, I don't see any video out and I'll probably leave after writing this email. I did meet this one kid here the other day. His name was gavin and he was really sweet. We hung out for about an hour and then he had to catch a train to california....aned so it goes i guess.

Current Mood: refreshed
Wednesday, August 14th, 2002
3:03 am
I have jetlag. This hostel is crazy. i wish I had a video camera. i wish I could draw cartoons...anything to capture this place.

Current Mood: awake
Wednesday, August 7th, 2002
11:47 am
i'm sick of seeing him in his tighty whities
Yesterday, I slept most of the day away. I was sad because I realized that I had waited too long to pursue my internship interests for next semester which was a really dumb move considering that I had all fucking summer to do it. I just woke up one day and realized that I'm going to Seattle in a few days and there is no way I'm going to be able to get an internship. Oh well. Maybe its for the best right??

Its beautiful outside today. I have the day off and want to sit outside and finish "Before Night Falls". We'll see how much crap I can get done.
Monday, August 5th, 2002
10:14 am
I want my room back
Grant came home from Egypt about two weeks ago and I was so happy to see him. I missed having him around. There are three of us living in a small one bedroom basement apartment now. Me and Grant are sharing the sofa bed until the end of August. At first it was no big deal, but now I'm starting to go into bitch mode cause I really need my own space. I really had it last night when Grant farted in his sleep and the fan was blowing the shit-air right in my face. I was so grossed out and annoyed. I solved the flow of stank by putting a pillow on his ass. I could sit here and talk shit about my roommate, whose every little character trait annoys me now, but hopefully this irritation is just a side effect. I woke up this morning and took a trip to the john hoping that I would discover my period. A second explanation to this mood would be nice.
Tuesday, July 30th, 2002
8:13 am
my bike, my baby
I felt like my baby had gotten kidnapped when I found my bike missing on my front steps. "fuck, I knew I should have put it away". I was just coming home for 5 minutes to change and was too lazy to haul my bike to safety, so I left it out and it got stolen by two drunk men. Thankfully, there were witnesses and I ran to the fire station a block away where all the druck bastards hang out and sure enough, there they were, circled around my bike. I've never been that angry in a long time. My body was filled with rage. "HEY YOU MOTHAFUCKER, THAT'S MY FUCKING BIKE!!!!!!!" I screamed till I couldn't think of anything else to say and they just stood there with their mouths dropped to the floor, slightly swaying from intoxicated inbalance. I took my bike back and apologized to it for letting it stray. I promised I would never do it again and while I was riding to the black cat that night, I held onto it extra tight just to show my appreciation.
Sunday, July 21st, 2002
2:43 pm
to tank or not to tank...that is the question
I'm here sitting at the receptionist desk at the Phillips. I finished Butch Stone Blues last night. I skimmed the last 30 pages cause I was just sick of the melodrama but altogether, I'm glad I was introduced to the land of butches and he-shes. It would suck to be stuck somewhere between two genders. I sometimes feel butch. Although making that statement seems rediculous since I'm all of 5'1 and 130 lbs, can't drink for shit, and currently am hairless. But sometimes I do feel kinda awkward in the absense of "femininity". I think boys are afraid of girls with a little muscle. I guess I can understand. I wouldn't be into a guy who was prissy or feminine. I wouldn't really think he would be into girls. I don't know where this is going but it reminds me of Tank Girl.

James let me borrow tank girl and i love it. I love her look, her body, and that its always half exposed. Why is this so attractive to me....there's something about being sexy in a "nonfeminine" way that's really cool. No bullshit kinda chick. I should stop now, I'm rambling cause I have nothing else better to do and the cookies I got from the Firehook bakery have completly lost my interest. I guess I'll go back outside and read some more of the Ugly American, while keeping one eye out for the casually cool jazzy man that is on his break now. peace.
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